Wednesday, December 24, 2003
la femme fatale
i know, i know-2 posts in one day. it’s some sort of miracle! :) actually, it’s just that drug-sleep is not nearly as functional as normal sleep. and I seem to have a couple hours in between antibiotics so….
Christmas shopping is either heaven or hell-there is just no gray area about it. long lines, people wandering around, indecisiveness all over the place-it can be enough to make you want to poke your eyes out! but, the process can bear fruit if you can just endure it. fortunately, I haven’t had to do much this year either so…
I think I stood in line at pimkie the other day for about 40 minutes. the object that I was purchasing wasn’t crucial in the entire scheme of things so I coulda left at any point… but I didn’t. I couldn’t actually. I was surrounded by girls-some my age, some older, many younger-and I realized that we were all the same. i felt that random sort of community amongst strangers when you understand in a second that, really, it's all about love. and the lack thereof. we are just females in a society that prizes physical perfection above all else. correction-maybe not ALL in society do, but it is common enough in all of our mediated interactions that we BELIEVE, no matter how intrinsically or minutely, that this is the case. and we are all dying because of it. everytime I think that I need to be taller, thinner, etc. like the representations of females that I see, a little piece of the “original” me is dead. it cannot come back. it is lost forever. it is not just the innocent love and happiness that is lost-it is the present and the future of ourselves, our friends, and our families.
it is most surprising to me how this drive for acceptance is propogating in the younger generations. it’s awful to walk by the dressing rooms and hear how everyone thinks they are fat or ugly: they don’t look good in the shirt that is all the rage in the magazine, the pants are too long, they bag too much in some places and pull too much in others. and they HAVE to fit, otherwise social death is certain to happen immediately. to be humiliated by inanimate objects that were manufactured by a woman lacking basic needs for survival and who is getting paid 1/5 of a cent to slap the seams together in order to meet her hourly quota. the scene is tragic. and it is not changing. sure, girls go to university now and people are happy if they are not total ditzes but… there seems to be a fundamental piece missing in the social structure-my friends feel it, I feel it, my mom feels it, the younger girls feel in most acutely. the whole idea of feminine beauty needs to be revamped. and not just for society as whole but for women. voiceless ideas, unspoken fears, unfulfilled dreams, filtered thoughts-a great waste.
but, when I am standing in pimkie to purchase something that is sure to make me look goofy and is most likely pink, I see so much beauty. sure, no one’s hair is perfect, our makeup is smudged, our skin is probably broken out from staying up to late, we’re probably over/underweight, our noses aren’t perfectly straight, we have funny chins, our clothes don’t fit like they do on the model, and we probably just said the wrong thing to the cutest-boy-ever, but it’s okay. because we smile. the true sign of beauty.
and this gives me hope. not because I am having a particular crisis or anything-miraculously I was mostly spared from this hell until I was 18. which is pretty amazing. I don’t know how and I don’t know why but it continues to amuse me that I managed to escape for so long what I now ponder daily. I don’t understand how the female psyche works and I don’t know why society feels they must define who we are independent from who we actually are. why do external ideas govern who we are? in this liberal age, we are imprisoned in so many ways-sometimes literally, but always figuratively.
please, just keep smiling. it is not only the true sign of beauty, it is the true sign of bravery. and if you pretend to be brave, you ARE brave.
enough randomness for one night. sleepy time for me again. I know there is a lot more to this stuff in my head than on this page, but I can’t get it sorted-maybe it will come together at a later date. maybe when I die. :)
MC!
luvs.m
Christmas shopping is either heaven or hell-there is just no gray area about it. long lines, people wandering around, indecisiveness all over the place-it can be enough to make you want to poke your eyes out! but, the process can bear fruit if you can just endure it. fortunately, I haven’t had to do much this year either so…
I think I stood in line at pimkie the other day for about 40 minutes. the object that I was purchasing wasn’t crucial in the entire scheme of things so I coulda left at any point… but I didn’t. I couldn’t actually. I was surrounded by girls-some my age, some older, many younger-and I realized that we were all the same. i felt that random sort of community amongst strangers when you understand in a second that, really, it's all about love. and the lack thereof. we are just females in a society that prizes physical perfection above all else. correction-maybe not ALL in society do, but it is common enough in all of our mediated interactions that we BELIEVE, no matter how intrinsically or minutely, that this is the case. and we are all dying because of it. everytime I think that I need to be taller, thinner, etc. like the representations of females that I see, a little piece of the “original” me is dead. it cannot come back. it is lost forever. it is not just the innocent love and happiness that is lost-it is the present and the future of ourselves, our friends, and our families.
it is most surprising to me how this drive for acceptance is propogating in the younger generations. it’s awful to walk by the dressing rooms and hear how everyone thinks they are fat or ugly: they don’t look good in the shirt that is all the rage in the magazine, the pants are too long, they bag too much in some places and pull too much in others. and they HAVE to fit, otherwise social death is certain to happen immediately. to be humiliated by inanimate objects that were manufactured by a woman lacking basic needs for survival and who is getting paid 1/5 of a cent to slap the seams together in order to meet her hourly quota. the scene is tragic. and it is not changing. sure, girls go to university now and people are happy if they are not total ditzes but… there seems to be a fundamental piece missing in the social structure-my friends feel it, I feel it, my mom feels it, the younger girls feel in most acutely. the whole idea of feminine beauty needs to be revamped. and not just for society as whole but for women. voiceless ideas, unspoken fears, unfulfilled dreams, filtered thoughts-a great waste.
but, when I am standing in pimkie to purchase something that is sure to make me look goofy and is most likely pink, I see so much beauty. sure, no one’s hair is perfect, our makeup is smudged, our skin is probably broken out from staying up to late, we’re probably over/underweight, our noses aren’t perfectly straight, we have funny chins, our clothes don’t fit like they do on the model, and we probably just said the wrong thing to the cutest-boy-ever, but it’s okay. because we smile. the true sign of beauty.
and this gives me hope. not because I am having a particular crisis or anything-miraculously I was mostly spared from this hell until I was 18. which is pretty amazing. I don’t know how and I don’t know why but it continues to amuse me that I managed to escape for so long what I now ponder daily. I don’t understand how the female psyche works and I don’t know why society feels they must define who we are independent from who we actually are. why do external ideas govern who we are? in this liberal age, we are imprisoned in so many ways-sometimes literally, but always figuratively.
please, just keep smiling. it is not only the true sign of beauty, it is the true sign of bravery. and if you pretend to be brave, you ARE brave.
enough randomness for one night. sleepy time for me again. I know there is a lot more to this stuff in my head than on this page, but I can’t get it sorted-maybe it will come together at a later date. maybe when I die. :)
MC!
luvs.m
happy 1/2 birthday to me :)
happy Christmas eve! yep, I have been a little off the radar for a couple days-sorry about that. so busy, not much sleep, and complete freedom from school-it’s a good life!
so I left off on Friday afternoon... went to bhavini’s approx 1 hour late (which really is standard!) and hung out with everybody. it was great to talk to everyone again since our enforced silence/revising. and to see jess too cause I don’t get to see her on a daily basis-seriously not fair! after bhavs’ place, we went some place and chilled. it was really great because a lot of people turned up on Friday that don’t always come out with us (ruey, ivan) and I really enjoyed having a bit of a chat with them outside of school. the place closed at like 4am so then we went somewhere else for food since people were hungry. this place must be the only thing open in Strasbourg at that time cause it was packed! I couldn’t believe it! anyway though, super tiredness was setting in at this point so we all bailed and went home. poor ivan was so tired that he would fall asleep mid-sentence! fortunately, we live pretty close to each other so he got home okay. and the girls did win the glitter fight (of course!) and I think that everyone was still wearing it for the next two days! haha. although, that air freshener wasn’t quite so “fresh”. pretty stanky actually.
on Saturday I slept in a bit and then headed out with bhavs and will to roam around the Christmas marche and do a little Christmas shopping. however, I dragged them to the post office first so I could send a card and apparently all the English speakers hang out in the post office. we met a bunch of people from the states and from the uk which was cool.
we were rambling around after that when we happened upon an ice rink next to the cathedral. while deciding if we really wanted to break our legs or not, we watched these people eating fish sandwiches-of the variety that still had tails and such. it literally was a whole fish stuck in between 2 pieces of bread. seriously disturbing. but, we did decide to go ice skating and it was fabulous! it was so much fun! I couldn’t be worse at it if I tried!
I went home after that to try to tidy my place up a bit (ha!). but Jason called and we had a bit of a nice chat and it sounds like he is doing great. he had a tough week as well, but he was getting into the Christmas spirit with sarah. and I guess the plan is to tie the knot on Saturday the 27th in Virginia which sounds pretty neat.
everyone was over at mark’s on sat nite playing cards or watching a movie so I decided to go too. for some reason, I was really in a mood when I (finally!) showed up. fortunately, after a bit, I loosened up and had a good time. mark’s got a great flat and I haven’t had the chance to thank him for letting us make a mess of it! and he even has some save ferris on his computer-I’ll have to give him some dance hall crashers too then he’ll be set! I super tired after this fun-filled evening and I think it took me like 3 minutes to fall asleep. after awaking briefly to listen to the church bells clang (and, really, they do just bonk around without any musicality whatsoever), I fell back asleep for another 3 hours! I guess the bells did ring again but they sure didn’t bother me… missed dr. john farrow’s thing on Sunday-really, we did try to find it. just couldn’t. oh well.
did finally manage to do some Christmas shopping on Monday and guess what I found! aloe vera juice! that was so exciting. well, it is not a gift for anyone actually, but I was super happy to find it… considering it is not so easy to come by in the states either. I didn’t actually by any presents, just looked to see what all was out there since I haven’t been shopping in ages. I did get some Christmas lights and it was so great because they were ½ price. procrastinating isn’t so bad all the time, right mark? and fortunately they were cause they were originally 8 euros or something ridiculous. and don’t even ask how much poinsettas are-you’ll just want to cry. like I said, tulips are my mode of decoration this year.
being the nerd that I am, I stayed up all of Monday night to read. it was great fun and truly why I love breaks. no set schedule means that I can read anywhere, anytime. it was a bit of an emotional novel as well so that means that I was literally bawling my eyes out at about 5:15am. excellent.
Tuesday I planned on shopping again and spending more time are the marche, but I ended having a fun-filled and action-packed day at the ER. again. not so exciting. I guess the meat that I got from the deli had somehow touched some surface that a dairy product (cheese?) had touched as well and…. it was all downhill from there. anyway, not so fun but I’m still alive and kicking so that’s a good thing (well, depends on your perspective I guess-not so good if you hate me! but then, you wouldn’t be reading this anyway….).
so I’m just chilling here on Christmas eve. I was gonna go over of david bucks for din-din but I feel like I’ve been run over by like 3 mac trucks. just can’t be asked to have that much energy right now. I don’t know what they do at the hospital but everytime I get back, I feel like I can’t move any part of my body. the phone rang earlier and I just wanted to cry cause it was across the room! ah, the insanity of it all! and what is this propensity of mine to always say “love you” when I am hanging up the phone with anyone?? dude, it is a habit I guess but it could really mess some people up… hehe. honestly, I don’t mind being here by myself. love means that you are never alone and I am so lucky to be loved by lots of super people!
really, I am going to sleep now. that is a quick run-down of the events of the past couple days but I’ll be posting more on my thoughts soon. which are not related to the events. as usual!
luv-luv.m
so I left off on Friday afternoon... went to bhavini’s approx 1 hour late (which really is standard!) and hung out with everybody. it was great to talk to everyone again since our enforced silence/revising. and to see jess too cause I don’t get to see her on a daily basis-seriously not fair! after bhavs’ place, we went some place and chilled. it was really great because a lot of people turned up on Friday that don’t always come out with us (ruey, ivan) and I really enjoyed having a bit of a chat with them outside of school. the place closed at like 4am so then we went somewhere else for food since people were hungry. this place must be the only thing open in Strasbourg at that time cause it was packed! I couldn’t believe it! anyway though, super tiredness was setting in at this point so we all bailed and went home. poor ivan was so tired that he would fall asleep mid-sentence! fortunately, we live pretty close to each other so he got home okay. and the girls did win the glitter fight (of course!) and I think that everyone was still wearing it for the next two days! haha. although, that air freshener wasn’t quite so “fresh”. pretty stanky actually.
on Saturday I slept in a bit and then headed out with bhavs and will to roam around the Christmas marche and do a little Christmas shopping. however, I dragged them to the post office first so I could send a card and apparently all the English speakers hang out in the post office. we met a bunch of people from the states and from the uk which was cool.
we were rambling around after that when we happened upon an ice rink next to the cathedral. while deciding if we really wanted to break our legs or not, we watched these people eating fish sandwiches-of the variety that still had tails and such. it literally was a whole fish stuck in between 2 pieces of bread. seriously disturbing. but, we did decide to go ice skating and it was fabulous! it was so much fun! I couldn’t be worse at it if I tried!
I went home after that to try to tidy my place up a bit (ha!). but Jason called and we had a bit of a nice chat and it sounds like he is doing great. he had a tough week as well, but he was getting into the Christmas spirit with sarah. and I guess the plan is to tie the knot on Saturday the 27th in Virginia which sounds pretty neat.
everyone was over at mark’s on sat nite playing cards or watching a movie so I decided to go too. for some reason, I was really in a mood when I (finally!) showed up. fortunately, after a bit, I loosened up and had a good time. mark’s got a great flat and I haven’t had the chance to thank him for letting us make a mess of it! and he even has some save ferris on his computer-I’ll have to give him some dance hall crashers too then he’ll be set! I super tired after this fun-filled evening and I think it took me like 3 minutes to fall asleep. after awaking briefly to listen to the church bells clang (and, really, they do just bonk around without any musicality whatsoever), I fell back asleep for another 3 hours! I guess the bells did ring again but they sure didn’t bother me… missed dr. john farrow’s thing on Sunday-really, we did try to find it. just couldn’t. oh well.
did finally manage to do some Christmas shopping on Monday and guess what I found! aloe vera juice! that was so exciting. well, it is not a gift for anyone actually, but I was super happy to find it… considering it is not so easy to come by in the states either. I didn’t actually by any presents, just looked to see what all was out there since I haven’t been shopping in ages. I did get some Christmas lights and it was so great because they were ½ price. procrastinating isn’t so bad all the time, right mark? and fortunately they were cause they were originally 8 euros or something ridiculous. and don’t even ask how much poinsettas are-you’ll just want to cry. like I said, tulips are my mode of decoration this year.
being the nerd that I am, I stayed up all of Monday night to read. it was great fun and truly why I love breaks. no set schedule means that I can read anywhere, anytime. it was a bit of an emotional novel as well so that means that I was literally bawling my eyes out at about 5:15am. excellent.
Tuesday I planned on shopping again and spending more time are the marche, but I ended having a fun-filled and action-packed day at the ER. again. not so exciting. I guess the meat that I got from the deli had somehow touched some surface that a dairy product (cheese?) had touched as well and…. it was all downhill from there. anyway, not so fun but I’m still alive and kicking so that’s a good thing (well, depends on your perspective I guess-not so good if you hate me! but then, you wouldn’t be reading this anyway….).
so I’m just chilling here on Christmas eve. I was gonna go over of david bucks for din-din but I feel like I’ve been run over by like 3 mac trucks. just can’t be asked to have that much energy right now. I don’t know what they do at the hospital but everytime I get back, I feel like I can’t move any part of my body. the phone rang earlier and I just wanted to cry cause it was across the room! ah, the insanity of it all! and what is this propensity of mine to always say “love you” when I am hanging up the phone with anyone?? dude, it is a habit I guess but it could really mess some people up… hehe. honestly, I don’t mind being here by myself. love means that you are never alone and I am so lucky to be loved by lots of super people!
really, I am going to sleep now. that is a quick run-down of the events of the past couple days but I’ll be posting more on my thoughts soon. which are not related to the events. as usual!
luv-luv.m
Friday, December 19, 2003
that was the funniest test i’ve ever taken!
if I had a dime for everytime i’ve heard that phrase today….
yea, so, it’s over! and now, it is officially the holiday season! can you believe it-only 5 days away from Christmas… holy cow! i don’t really know what the test was about today but i do know that it was really funny. funny because i was still working on 1 question after 3.5 hours and with only .5 hours left, i’m thinking that i might not finish?! dude. insane. but i do know that the name of my company was BluePlanet but the a was replaced with a heart. mostly because i was just really excited to work so many little hearts into my paper. and it must have been really, really amusing because i remember giggling a lot but right now, i don’t know cause i am just freakin tired! we are all going to rest up a bit before heading out for the night.
we were all going to see some movie after the exam but i’m pretty sure everyone bailed. so tired. i’m sure we would have all just slept through it anyway. oh, but beth and i were watching trogdor clips after the exam and they were freakin hilarious. it was even funnier because i think everyone stuck around for a good 3 hours after the exam was over-GO HOME! finally, we took our own advice and left… i am going to take a nice long shower now and forget about the last few weeks.
cheers and merry Christmas to everyone that is leaving before i get the chance to say bye! i’ll see the rest of you tonight or at dr. john farrow’s shin-dig on Sunday! :)
lovealways.m
yea, so, it’s over! and now, it is officially the holiday season! can you believe it-only 5 days away from Christmas… holy cow! i don’t really know what the test was about today but i do know that it was really funny. funny because i was still working on 1 question after 3.5 hours and with only .5 hours left, i’m thinking that i might not finish?! dude. insane. but i do know that the name of my company was BluePlanet but the a was replaced with a heart. mostly because i was just really excited to work so many little hearts into my paper. and it must have been really, really amusing because i remember giggling a lot but right now, i don’t know cause i am just freakin tired! we are all going to rest up a bit before heading out for the night.
we were all going to see some movie after the exam but i’m pretty sure everyone bailed. so tired. i’m sure we would have all just slept through it anyway. oh, but beth and i were watching trogdor clips after the exam and they were freakin hilarious. it was even funnier because i think everyone stuck around for a good 3 hours after the exam was over-GO HOME! finally, we took our own advice and left… i am going to take a nice long shower now and forget about the last few weeks.
cheers and merry Christmas to everyone that is leaving before i get the chance to say bye! i’ll see the rest of you tonight or at dr. john farrow’s shin-dig on Sunday! :)
lovealways.m
Thursday, December 18, 2003
the glass is half-empty?
this is definitely one of those moments when the glass BETTER be half-empty… one day of exams is over and one more to go… i really appreciate thinking that it will not be as bad as today.
not that today was all bad. 14 questions in 4 hours is not so bad. and i cruised through the first 7 and then… fortunately in the midst of making up stories for the other 7, i miraculously managed to remember the actual answers. amazing what revising does sometimes! anyway, hopefully I passed and then i won’t have to worry about it anymore. it’s tomorrow’s, errr today’s, exam that is going to blow i think. one question for 4 hours. me thinks that it will be okay and i’ll know what to write and stuff or, i won’t have a clue and i’ll have a great 4 hour nap! either way i guess….
got a package today… i don’t think that i really need to expand on the glory of receiving packages. they are so great! and they have that ability to convey instant love with just the sight of them. and right before the exam too-thanks mum! you rock! so she sent me a couple shirts that i forgot in seattle but she also included a few surprises (well, of course, she’s my MOM for heaven’s sake!)-yay!
so i’m looking forward to the end of exams because apparently it’s almost Christmas around here-can you believe it? dude-it seems like another planet outside isu. well, of course it is, but that’s not what i’m talking about! i am going to go to the Christmas market tomorrow/today after the excrutiating exam and see if they have anything exciting. we’ll see. i am going to learn german during the break. i guess I could learn French but that wouldn’t be very exciting!
after trekking to the auchon once again today, i thought that i might get a Christmas tree. but then i decided that I would rather have tulips so i am going to buy some this weekend. i think red and purple would be nice. :) screw the tree cause then i just have to buy stuff to stick on it and it just wouldn’t be the same hanging the ornaments without the usual routine of my mom passing out ornaments to me and Jason and telling us to stop bothering the dog and wondering where the hell has henry gone again? hehe-LOL! i love my family :) they are fabulous! i have so many pictures of this exact scene that it is makes me laugh. even at 1am when i should be studying for exam in t-7:55 hours…. ewwwww.
and thinking of the auchon puts me into a completely different frame of mind. even though i look forward to having children of my own at some point in the future, every time I go to that horrid place i think that eternal celibacy might not be such a bad idea! i realize that children need their freedom but let them have it at home-please! i have never seen so many kids running, literally running, around on the loose-day camp is not even this ridiculous. anyway… and let me tell you about the horrors of designing grocery carts with 4 wheels that are not locked into any position. these carts usually just travel sideways and at all angles up and down the aisles until they crash into another cart that is traveling in the same fashion and stuff goes flying in all directions from a)the impacting carts and b)the impacted shelves. and the people pretty much just drag them along with 1 finger and pay no attention to the fact that they have just taken out like 4 displays and run over 3 large children. as long as you’re in the right mood, an outing to the auchon can be quite an amusing experience. otherwise, watch out, it can be pure hell.
sorry, my life is boring and you are so lucky to read about it! haha. please don’t piss at me yet-I will be responding to emails in a normal (has that word ever really applied to my life?!) fashion as soon as this exam junk is done. until then, think nice thoughts for me and i will thank you for your efforts later.
loveyoulots.m
not that today was all bad. 14 questions in 4 hours is not so bad. and i cruised through the first 7 and then… fortunately in the midst of making up stories for the other 7, i miraculously managed to remember the actual answers. amazing what revising does sometimes! anyway, hopefully I passed and then i won’t have to worry about it anymore. it’s tomorrow’s, errr today’s, exam that is going to blow i think. one question for 4 hours. me thinks that it will be okay and i’ll know what to write and stuff or, i won’t have a clue and i’ll have a great 4 hour nap! either way i guess….
got a package today… i don’t think that i really need to expand on the glory of receiving packages. they are so great! and they have that ability to convey instant love with just the sight of them. and right before the exam too-thanks mum! you rock! so she sent me a couple shirts that i forgot in seattle but she also included a few surprises (well, of course, she’s my MOM for heaven’s sake!)-yay!
so i’m looking forward to the end of exams because apparently it’s almost Christmas around here-can you believe it? dude-it seems like another planet outside isu. well, of course it is, but that’s not what i’m talking about! i am going to go to the Christmas market tomorrow/today after the excrutiating exam and see if they have anything exciting. we’ll see. i am going to learn german during the break. i guess I could learn French but that wouldn’t be very exciting!
after trekking to the auchon once again today, i thought that i might get a Christmas tree. but then i decided that I would rather have tulips so i am going to buy some this weekend. i think red and purple would be nice. :) screw the tree cause then i just have to buy stuff to stick on it and it just wouldn’t be the same hanging the ornaments without the usual routine of my mom passing out ornaments to me and Jason and telling us to stop bothering the dog and wondering where the hell has henry gone again? hehe-LOL! i love my family :) they are fabulous! i have so many pictures of this exact scene that it is makes me laugh. even at 1am when i should be studying for exam in t-7:55 hours…. ewwwww.
and thinking of the auchon puts me into a completely different frame of mind. even though i look forward to having children of my own at some point in the future, every time I go to that horrid place i think that eternal celibacy might not be such a bad idea! i realize that children need their freedom but let them have it at home-please! i have never seen so many kids running, literally running, around on the loose-day camp is not even this ridiculous. anyway… and let me tell you about the horrors of designing grocery carts with 4 wheels that are not locked into any position. these carts usually just travel sideways and at all angles up and down the aisles until they crash into another cart that is traveling in the same fashion and stuff goes flying in all directions from a)the impacting carts and b)the impacted shelves. and the people pretty much just drag them along with 1 finger and pay no attention to the fact that they have just taken out like 4 displays and run over 3 large children. as long as you’re in the right mood, an outing to the auchon can be quite an amusing experience. otherwise, watch out, it can be pure hell.
sorry, my life is boring and you are so lucky to read about it! haha. please don’t piss at me yet-I will be responding to emails in a normal (has that word ever really applied to my life?!) fashion as soon as this exam junk is done. until then, think nice thoughts for me and i will thank you for your efforts later.
loveyoulots.m
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
i eat pizza everyday!
Yea, that’s my new line…. Cause I do-just minus the cheese and the bread. And if you look at it that way, I eat pizza for every meal! Hmmm, anyway, as you can tell, I am in the midst of (still) revising for exams. That would be in t-14.15 hours. Dum, dum, dum!!!
I actually wrote a post earlier today but it got lost… through the network or whatever. I h8 the internet, or my connection, or whatever it is that always buggers up my stuff.
I have only 55 pages of notes to go with 14 hours til the first exam. That’s pretty good. I had 120+ about 6-7 hours ago-that’s what I call progress. And I made my mom laugh a lot today so that’s worth the other 55 pages, right? Cause that takes work! Anyway, I bought slippers today and they are blue. Not really my color but they are kinda nice-they just blend right in (to the floor I mean). Oh, and I freaked out my roommate Markus too which was an unexpected highlight! Actually, I think I freak him out on a daily basis but he usually hides it particularly well… not today!
So I was wearing these REALLY short shorts that I wear around the house… and you might ask ‘if you usually wear them, why hasn’t he seen them prior to today?’ well, that’s a simple question and the answer is, I never see the guy. Literally, I think ALL of my classmates see him more than I do… we have been at home studying for the past 5 days and I think I’ve seen him 3 times-literally. Twice on Sunday when bhavini was over and once today. So. He popped out today while I was checking my email (computer not in my room) and almost died. His eyes bugged and he sorta ran back into his room muttering something in some language and it was a riot! I shoulda felt bad probably but it was laughably amusing to say the least. Too bad no one was around to see it. Hehe.
Hmmm, what else? I don’t know. I am going to fail the test tomorrow and the one on Friday. I think I have gotten stupider in the last 3 months (if that is possible) and I just can’t get motivated to save my life. Just give me the test right now! I h8 this waiting crap. As you can see, I have no patience. I think I digressed about something else in my other post but it must not have been important cause I can’t remember it. Not that any of this is really…. Too bad.
k, I hope y’all are having more fun than me. Well, that’s not so hard, so def try harder and have lots of fun! (cause I can’t)
Lotsoflovesandhugsandkisses!m
Oh yea, props to my good buddy mark from Toronto on having the quote of the day! Well, I can’t really put it on here cause it’s not so appropriate for all audiences… but direct inquiries will be honored… congrats mark!
!sorry about the random capitalization-i typed it in werd and it always screws with your stuff....
I actually wrote a post earlier today but it got lost… through the network or whatever. I h8 the internet, or my connection, or whatever it is that always buggers up my stuff.
I have only 55 pages of notes to go with 14 hours til the first exam. That’s pretty good. I had 120+ about 6-7 hours ago-that’s what I call progress. And I made my mom laugh a lot today so that’s worth the other 55 pages, right? Cause that takes work! Anyway, I bought slippers today and they are blue. Not really my color but they are kinda nice-they just blend right in (to the floor I mean). Oh, and I freaked out my roommate Markus too which was an unexpected highlight! Actually, I think I freak him out on a daily basis but he usually hides it particularly well… not today!
So I was wearing these REALLY short shorts that I wear around the house… and you might ask ‘if you usually wear them, why hasn’t he seen them prior to today?’ well, that’s a simple question and the answer is, I never see the guy. Literally, I think ALL of my classmates see him more than I do… we have been at home studying for the past 5 days and I think I’ve seen him 3 times-literally. Twice on Sunday when bhavini was over and once today. So. He popped out today while I was checking my email (computer not in my room) and almost died. His eyes bugged and he sorta ran back into his room muttering something in some language and it was a riot! I shoulda felt bad probably but it was laughably amusing to say the least. Too bad no one was around to see it. Hehe.
Hmmm, what else? I don’t know. I am going to fail the test tomorrow and the one on Friday. I think I have gotten stupider in the last 3 months (if that is possible) and I just can’t get motivated to save my life. Just give me the test right now! I h8 this waiting crap. As you can see, I have no patience. I think I digressed about something else in my other post but it must not have been important cause I can’t remember it. Not that any of this is really…. Too bad.
k, I hope y’all are having more fun than me. Well, that’s not so hard, so def try harder and have lots of fun! (cause I can’t)
Lotsoflovesandhugsandkisses!m
Oh yea, props to my good buddy mark from Toronto on having the quote of the day! Well, I can’t really put it on here cause it’s not so appropriate for all audiences… but direct inquiries will be honored… congrats mark!
!sorry about the random capitalization-i typed it in werd and it always screws with your stuff....
Monday, December 15, 2003
"glob"
yes-i realize it's been awhile.... but i know everyone understands exams and stuff... let me just do a bit of a recap of my *lovely* week last week....
started off well (as you can see in my last post) and quickly went downhill FAST. we had our tp paper due on wednesday (all i have to say is that we missed the deadline) and then the presentation on friday. we said a very sad goodbye to jeph on tuesday as well and let me tell you how much i am NOT looking forward to our first tp meeting of the next module-lots of fighting, lots of complaining, lots of people trying to take control.... oh boy... sounds like fun. anyway, to be brief, nance and i spent 9 hours fixing the bibliography on thursday in order to turn in the stupid paper and then the presentation on friday went surprisingly well. congrats to all who presented-i thought it went extremely well and much better than the faculty anticipated.
after the presentation, someone had the brilliant idea to have the christmas party. really, a good idea, just really bad timing. everyone was shot from working super-human hours on tp(and a bit grumpy too i might add) but it was still pretty fun. i was so tired when i got home that i slept until 4pm on saturday afternoon! fabulous! i felt so good that i didn't want to study :) big surprise...
and the rest of the weekend has been effectively coming up with ways to not study-it's an area i really excel at! perhaps there should be a spot on my resume for this outstanding skill of mine. and i have started writing poetry again as well which is exciting and fun :) it seems that when i have formal work pending, i have these super bursts of creativity that scream to get out. not so productive in one direction, but very helpful in creating a true learning "experience." you're just lucky i haven't posted any of them yet-almost did last night but then got randomly tired and decided to sleep.
oh yea, please don't hate me cause i'm an email slacker! i truly love to hear how everyone is doing and i will do my best to right the situation this week (i mean, you didn't think i was really going to study, did you?)
did i tell you my mom rocks?! i've been meaning to post that for the last week cause she is always doing great stuff for me and i am so super indebted to her for everything! i think that i have the coolest parents in the entire world! just check out my motto for the dad compliments of my daddy:
I am passing this on to you because it has
definitely worked for me. By following the simple
advice I read in an article, I have finally found
inner peace........
It reads: "The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you've started." I looked
around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished. So,
today I have finished one bottle of white wine, a bottle of red
wine, a bottle of Baileys, my Prozac, a large box of chocolates
and a quart of beer. You have no idea how good I feel.
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need
of Inner Peace.
LOL! thanks dad! that's fabulous and i think i might post it to my classmates tomorrow-it's a laugh :)
all right, well i think i might read through some more stuff now that i've had my "study break" or i'll email-whatever.
love you!
xoxo.m
started off well (as you can see in my last post) and quickly went downhill FAST. we had our tp paper due on wednesday (all i have to say is that we missed the deadline) and then the presentation on friday. we said a very sad goodbye to jeph on tuesday as well and let me tell you how much i am NOT looking forward to our first tp meeting of the next module-lots of fighting, lots of complaining, lots of people trying to take control.... oh boy... sounds like fun. anyway, to be brief, nance and i spent 9 hours fixing the bibliography on thursday in order to turn in the stupid paper and then the presentation on friday went surprisingly well. congrats to all who presented-i thought it went extremely well and much better than the faculty anticipated.
after the presentation, someone had the brilliant idea to have the christmas party. really, a good idea, just really bad timing. everyone was shot from working super-human hours on tp(and a bit grumpy too i might add) but it was still pretty fun. i was so tired when i got home that i slept until 4pm on saturday afternoon! fabulous! i felt so good that i didn't want to study :) big surprise...
and the rest of the weekend has been effectively coming up with ways to not study-it's an area i really excel at! perhaps there should be a spot on my resume for this outstanding skill of mine. and i have started writing poetry again as well which is exciting and fun :) it seems that when i have formal work pending, i have these super bursts of creativity that scream to get out. not so productive in one direction, but very helpful in creating a true learning "experience." you're just lucky i haven't posted any of them yet-almost did last night but then got randomly tired and decided to sleep.
oh yea, please don't hate me cause i'm an email slacker! i truly love to hear how everyone is doing and i will do my best to right the situation this week (i mean, you didn't think i was really going to study, did you?)
did i tell you my mom rocks?! i've been meaning to post that for the last week cause she is always doing great stuff for me and i am so super indebted to her for everything! i think that i have the coolest parents in the entire world! just check out my motto for the dad compliments of my daddy:
I am passing this on to you because it has
definitely worked for me. By following the simple
advice I read in an article, I have finally found
inner peace........
It reads: "The way to achieve inner peace is to
finish all the things you've started." I looked
around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished. So,
today I have finished one bottle of white wine, a bottle of red
wine, a bottle of Baileys, my Prozac, a large box of chocolates
and a quart of beer. You have no idea how good I feel.
You may pass this on to those you feel are in need
of Inner Peace.
LOL! thanks dad! that's fabulous and i think i might post it to my classmates tomorrow-it's a laugh :)
all right, well i think i might read through some more stuff now that i've had my "study break" or i'll email-whatever.
love you!
xoxo.m
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
penny for your thoughts
fight til you die. that's my motto for today (thanks to 'pennywise' that is...) all i have to say is 'BRRRRRRRR' it is freakin cold here! but, that is not such a big deal since i am here at school most of the time working on a) tp presentation and b) thinking about studying for pending exams. i did saying 'thinking' since i haven't actually done any yet. but, i woke up at 5:30 this morning and cleaned my room so that when i get home tonight i CAN start studying.
good news-my finger is NOT broken! yee haw! i really did not want to experience the emergency room in a conscious state... it's still hurts quite bit but since i have trying to give myself frostbite (gloves are completely necessary when biking in this weather and i couldn't find mine for awhile. hence the room clean-up.) i think it helped relieve the swelling.
haven't seen my roommate for awhile. i saw him once last wednesday and he mentioned that he had a business trip and would be missing our visit to ses global. so i expected him back on sunday night. and then, when he didn't appear, that he would come home last night. however, now i think that i will never see him again. maybe he will be home when i get back from school today....
since i got up at the crack of dawn today, i heard the trash guys coming around so i ran to take them my garbage can-just in time! i missed the last pickup and i was starting to wonder when they would come round again... score one for the day! and i made it to class with 3 minutes to spare. better than yesterday-i woke up at 8:30 and had 15 minutes to get dressed, grab my school stuff, find my keys and ride to school. not so exciting.
nick just said that i am scaring him. well, of course i am! duh. i have to do something to keep myself from falling asleep. i think that is all for right now. i have got to finish reading our 130-page literature review so erling and i can attempt to create a functional presentation. not so exciting....
happy tuesday!
love.m
good news-my finger is NOT broken! yee haw! i really did not want to experience the emergency room in a conscious state... it's still hurts quite bit but since i have trying to give myself frostbite (gloves are completely necessary when biking in this weather and i couldn't find mine for awhile. hence the room clean-up.) i think it helped relieve the swelling.
haven't seen my roommate for awhile. i saw him once last wednesday and he mentioned that he had a business trip and would be missing our visit to ses global. so i expected him back on sunday night. and then, when he didn't appear, that he would come home last night. however, now i think that i will never see him again. maybe he will be home when i get back from school today....
since i got up at the crack of dawn today, i heard the trash guys coming around so i ran to take them my garbage can-just in time! i missed the last pickup and i was starting to wonder when they would come round again... score one for the day! and i made it to class with 3 minutes to spare. better than yesterday-i woke up at 8:30 and had 15 minutes to get dressed, grab my school stuff, find my keys and ride to school. not so exciting.
nick just said that i am scaring him. well, of course i am! duh. i have to do something to keep myself from falling asleep. i think that is all for right now. i have got to finish reading our 130-page literature review so erling and i can attempt to create a functional presentation. not so exciting....
happy tuesday!
love.m
Saturday, December 06, 2003
owie.
huh. yep, so, here i am still working on my lit review.... never fear, it really is almost done. just needed a break before i kill myself :)
we had a 'professional visit' yesterday to ses global in luxembourg. it was pretty cool and the countyside was abs gorgeous! the company is in this cute little chateau (a little odd i thought...) but it was really cute-i wouldn't mind living there. if there was a bit of a bigger city around that is. don't get me wrong-i like countryside, just not SO much of it all the time. i digress....
so the trip was cool-we had a 3 hour bus ride there, got to listen to someone (the ceo) ramble on for awhile, had lunch, more rambling, some random time freezing outside, and then a bit of a tour with more rambling. i literally slept through the first two ramblings (i even had coffee to no avail) -guess they weren't so exciting. except the talk after lunch was odd cause a) it was really boring b) wasn't so much on the critical path to anything and c) the dude kept ripping on women.... huh, seems like maybe he shouldn't do that since maybe he might want to talk to one at some point in his life? very odd, some of these people spend WAY too much time at work or in a lab or something i guess....
mostly, it was just fun to hang out with my classmates-they are so entertaining! so many personalities.... :) i also spent most of the time on the bus sleeping or trying to sleep. i think i am getting better now cause i did manage to go to bed at 11:30 last night-yay! but i think it will all get shot to hell tonight....
oh sheesh-so the lunch they had for us (mind you, it says "lunch buffet" on the schedule) were these cute, little prepared sandwiches. really, pretty cool. however, NOT so cool for ME given the fact that a) they are on bread-obviously and b) they all had cheese on them. unfortunately, i forgot to pack food as well so i was very hungry for the entire day. i am only relating this because i think it had some consequence later.... we finally got back to strasbourg at like 7:30pm and we were all tired of sitting of the bus. so, i was going home to work on my lit review (what else?) and i managed to fall down a whole bunch of stairs going down to the tram. ah, concrete stairs are lovely. fortunately, i am good at falling and ended up with only major bruising... well, maybe a broken finger as well. i'm not sure but i think i'll give it a couple days since it could just be jammed really badly... excitement. fortunately, my good friends (Cari, Dinesh, Mark, Elias, and Oliver) were all on hand or came rushing to my assisstance to make sure i didn't kill myself-thanks guys! you rock!
yep, so that is why i am not feeling so well today and typing is, uh, a challenge :) LOL-i am SO cool.
tonight we are celebrating Dinesh's birthday (happy 22!) so it should be a good time :) at least, i know that I am going to have a good time.....
take care you guys! i love you!
m
ps-i managed to not wear pink or orange or yellow yesterday... no one probably recognized me! so sad...
we had a 'professional visit' yesterday to ses global in luxembourg. it was pretty cool and the countyside was abs gorgeous! the company is in this cute little chateau (a little odd i thought...) but it was really cute-i wouldn't mind living there. if there was a bit of a bigger city around that is. don't get me wrong-i like countryside, just not SO much of it all the time. i digress....
so the trip was cool-we had a 3 hour bus ride there, got to listen to someone (the ceo) ramble on for awhile, had lunch, more rambling, some random time freezing outside, and then a bit of a tour with more rambling. i literally slept through the first two ramblings (i even had coffee to no avail) -guess they weren't so exciting. except the talk after lunch was odd cause a) it was really boring b) wasn't so much on the critical path to anything and c) the dude kept ripping on women.... huh, seems like maybe he shouldn't do that since maybe he might want to talk to one at some point in his life? very odd, some of these people spend WAY too much time at work or in a lab or something i guess....
mostly, it was just fun to hang out with my classmates-they are so entertaining! so many personalities.... :) i also spent most of the time on the bus sleeping or trying to sleep. i think i am getting better now cause i did manage to go to bed at 11:30 last night-yay! but i think it will all get shot to hell tonight....
oh sheesh-so the lunch they had for us (mind you, it says "lunch buffet" on the schedule) were these cute, little prepared sandwiches. really, pretty cool. however, NOT so cool for ME given the fact that a) they are on bread-obviously and b) they all had cheese on them. unfortunately, i forgot to pack food as well so i was very hungry for the entire day. i am only relating this because i think it had some consequence later.... we finally got back to strasbourg at like 7:30pm and we were all tired of sitting of the bus. so, i was going home to work on my lit review (what else?) and i managed to fall down a whole bunch of stairs going down to the tram. ah, concrete stairs are lovely. fortunately, i am good at falling and ended up with only major bruising... well, maybe a broken finger as well. i'm not sure but i think i'll give it a couple days since it could just be jammed really badly... excitement. fortunately, my good friends (Cari, Dinesh, Mark, Elias, and Oliver) were all on hand or came rushing to my assisstance to make sure i didn't kill myself-thanks guys! you rock!
yep, so that is why i am not feeling so well today and typing is, uh, a challenge :) LOL-i am SO cool.
tonight we are celebrating Dinesh's birthday (happy 22!) so it should be a good time :) at least, i know that I am going to have a good time.....
take care you guys! i love you!
m
ps-i managed to not wear pink or orange or yellow yesterday... no one probably recognized me! so sad...
Thursday, December 04, 2003
have you seen her?
ah, girl's night... what can i say? we are definitely the coolest girls that isu has seen ever! we sorta have this bar area at the school so we thought it would be great for all the girls to get tarted up and take pics in black and white... props to ruey for being an excellent sport and taking the pictures... i'm sure it must have been pure drudgery! and serious props to jaffer, gilbert, and ivan for, ummmm, strutting their stuff.... most excellent representation of mss boys.
today was almost fun. we had a looooong it workshop and, yea, it was interesting. i sorta took a break and forgot to go back to work-oops! it's not my fault really-i had to catch up with everybody so.... and then we had this other, uh, interesting lecture on legal stuff about satellite broadcasting. it actually WAS interesting but it was so long and it felt like it was 3 a.m. so.... not so good when i am sitting so close to bhavini and brooke... A.D.D. what? dang it! but the workshop afterwards was interesting. what i learned was that i failed! our esteemed legal instructor and dynasty fan, phillipe, gave us this random situation and, honestly, there is no way that i could have gotten all those points correct if it had been an exam.... not so excellent. but, as usual, phillipe was hilarious and laughing kept me awake :)
all this excitement was followed by a riveting tp meeting-oh joyous day. really. please, hold me me back. anyone.
that's a brief synopsis of the day. can't be asked to elaborate anymore-i am tired and it is late. huh, seems that i actually still have to finish my literature review.... quality? uh oh....
love.m
today was almost fun. we had a looooong it workshop and, yea, it was interesting. i sorta took a break and forgot to go back to work-oops! it's not my fault really-i had to catch up with everybody so.... and then we had this other, uh, interesting lecture on legal stuff about satellite broadcasting. it actually WAS interesting but it was so long and it felt like it was 3 a.m. so.... not so good when i am sitting so close to bhavini and brooke... A.D.D. what? dang it! but the workshop afterwards was interesting. what i learned was that i failed! our esteemed legal instructor and dynasty fan, phillipe, gave us this random situation and, honestly, there is no way that i could have gotten all those points correct if it had been an exam.... not so excellent. but, as usual, phillipe was hilarious and laughing kept me awake :)
all this excitement was followed by a riveting tp meeting-oh joyous day. really. please, hold me me back. anyone.
that's a brief synopsis of the day. can't be asked to elaborate anymore-i am tired and it is late. huh, seems that i actually still have to finish my literature review.... quality? uh oh....
love.m
Monday, December 01, 2003
did i tell you about the most inspiring person i know?
yea, this is an older story but it highlights someone who is a hero in my life (i decided to cut and paste instead of giving you a link that might die....):
http://www.polevault.com/vaultngus/something.....blah...blah...blah
Eastside Journal 4/26/01
2001-04-26
by Nathan Fenno
Journal Reporter
Three years ago, the scene would have been unthinkable.
As Newport's Tamara Diles tried to break the state pole vault
record at last week's Bellevue City Championships, the meet around her stopped. Fans clustered around the pole vault, hoping for a glimpse of history.
Diles didn't get the record-- finishing with a season-best vault
of 11 feet, six inches instead-- but the event itself was
remarkable, showing just how much the girls pole vault has
developed in Washington.
Now in its second year as an official event, the girls pole vault
is enjoying a banner season in the state. Richland's Sara Rowse
has broken the state record numerous times, including clearing 12-0
last week, and six girls have cleared 11-0.
``Girls have discovered that it's really fun, that it's addicting,''
Interlake vault coach Charlie Shugart said. ``There are probably
more quality girls to pole vault than there are guys.''
Shugart would know. One of the state's most respected vault coaches,
he helped to jump-start the event for Washington girls. In 1996 he
coached Margot Hair at Interlake, a pioneer of sorts, who cleared
10-6 in the exhibition event and held the first state record.
The progress since then is impressive.
``I think you'll see the state record being broken again this year.
How far? Nobody knows,'' Miller said. ``Don't put limitations on
them. We put limitations on them for 30 years, saying they couldn't
vault, and they proved us wrong.''
That started changing last year, when the girls pole vault became
an official event. Coaches who were previously wary of entering
talented athletes in a non-scoring event now had little choice if
they wanted to pick up the points.
Coaches and athletes see a variety of factors making this season t
he best-ever for girls vaulting in the state.
``Now you have head coaches wanting girls to pole vault,'' Shugart
said. ``And you have girls that have been involved in the sport for
up to four years.''
``Kids are just waiting in line to vault,'' Miller said. ``Since it's
such a new sport, there's a lot of opportunity out there in terms
of (college) scholarships.''
Girls gymnastics has also played a role in the sport's development.
Many of the same traits that make a good gymnast-- body control
and upper-body strength among them-- also make a good vaulter. Diles
is among gymnasts who have taken up pole vault. Diles was a standout
on Newport's state title gymnastics teams. Issaquah's Kiki Sugano
won the state all-around title two years ago.
``There are more people learning about the sport, learning how to
do it with their abilities,'' said Interlake's Amy Schvanevedlt,
who won the Eason Invitational pole vault last weekend. ``There
have been a lot more girls out there this year. It's better that
way, with more competition.''
As for the future? Expect to see the current state record of 12-0
fall again, with vaulters clearing 12-6 or 13-0 by season's end.
Each week brings a new chapter in a sport that is catching fire, in
a race to be part of history.
so, that is about my coach, charlie, and how awesome he is! i not only owe him a great deal with respect to vaulting, but my entire life and philosophy on being happy (see previous post....) -you can't express the gratitude you feel for people who touch your life so profoundly.... all you can say is 'thank you' and hope they understand that you wouldn't be who you are without them...
more-love.m
http://www.polevault.com/vaultngus/something.....blah...blah...blah
Eastside Journal 4/26/01
2001-04-26
by Nathan Fenno
Journal Reporter
Three years ago, the scene would have been unthinkable.
As Newport's Tamara Diles tried to break the state pole vault
record at last week's Bellevue City Championships, the meet around her stopped. Fans clustered around the pole vault, hoping for a glimpse of history.
Diles didn't get the record-- finishing with a season-best vault
of 11 feet, six inches instead-- but the event itself was
remarkable, showing just how much the girls pole vault has
developed in Washington.
Now in its second year as an official event, the girls pole vault
is enjoying a banner season in the state. Richland's Sara Rowse
has broken the state record numerous times, including clearing 12-0
last week, and six girls have cleared 11-0.
``Girls have discovered that it's really fun, that it's addicting,''
Interlake vault coach Charlie Shugart said. ``There are probably
more quality girls to pole vault than there are guys.''
Shugart would know. One of the state's most respected vault coaches,
he helped to jump-start the event for Washington girls. In 1996 he
coached Margot Hair at Interlake, a pioneer of sorts, who cleared
10-6 in the exhibition event and held the first state record.
The progress since then is impressive.
``I think you'll see the state record being broken again this year.
How far? Nobody knows,'' Miller said. ``Don't put limitations on
them. We put limitations on them for 30 years, saying they couldn't
vault, and they proved us wrong.''
That started changing last year, when the girls pole vault became
an official event. Coaches who were previously wary of entering
talented athletes in a non-scoring event now had little choice if
they wanted to pick up the points.
Coaches and athletes see a variety of factors making this season t
he best-ever for girls vaulting in the state.
``Now you have head coaches wanting girls to pole vault,'' Shugart
said. ``And you have girls that have been involved in the sport for
up to four years.''
``Kids are just waiting in line to vault,'' Miller said. ``Since it's
such a new sport, there's a lot of opportunity out there in terms
of (college) scholarships.''
Girls gymnastics has also played a role in the sport's development.
Many of the same traits that make a good gymnast-- body control
and upper-body strength among them-- also make a good vaulter. Diles
is among gymnasts who have taken up pole vault. Diles was a standout
on Newport's state title gymnastics teams. Issaquah's Kiki Sugano
won the state all-around title two years ago.
``There are more people learning about the sport, learning how to
do it with their abilities,'' said Interlake's Amy Schvanevedlt,
who won the Eason Invitational pole vault last weekend. ``There
have been a lot more girls out there this year. It's better that
way, with more competition.''
As for the future? Expect to see the current state record of 12-0
fall again, with vaulters clearing 12-6 or 13-0 by season's end.
Each week brings a new chapter in a sport that is catching fire, in
a race to be part of history.
so, that is about my coach, charlie, and how awesome he is! i not only owe him a great deal with respect to vaulting, but my entire life and philosophy on being happy (see previous post....) -you can't express the gratitude you feel for people who touch your life so profoundly.... all you can say is 'thank you' and hope they understand that you wouldn't be who you are without them...
more-love.m
word to your mother.
yep. that is my stock phrase for everything at the moment. i haven't posted for awhile-so much has been going on that there has been nothing to write. yep. i don't think that i have anything concrete to say at this time but i do have some random thoughts that i am struggling to reconcile with who i am and who i want to be.
everyday i wake up and realize that i am nothing and that i know nothing. it is not a bad thing-in fact, it is just the opposite. it allows me the clarity of mind to attempt to comprehend and understand the nature of true happiness. since this is obviously different for everyone, it is an absolutely personal journey. maybe i have some strengths (don't ask me to identify them... i'm not sure they're quantifiable) but i have so many areas that require a great deal of work. somehow, i know that this is the right time for me to do the work and map out a plan for continued introspection for the duration of my life. funny becuase even though i am sure the time is right presently, i also know that the time will be right at every point in the future. i am, apparently, obsessed with discovering my "true self" and not compromising whatever small piece i have "found". right.
i know that everyone presents a face to the world that is not mirrored in their private life. everyday and in every situation, we choose our mask and play our role accordingly. this is not terrible, it is not a tragedy of "truth", it is not fake-it is self-preservation and endurance of things larger than ourselves. i know that i could not hope to make it through to the next hour without these resources. because sometimes the "truth" is too much. not only for ourselves, but (and almost always the defining factor) for everyone else. it turns out that i love people too much to ask them to understand. because i see how trivial things can adversely affect people in major ways, i never want to upset the balance. i should trust more in the human ability to learn and grow. i guess i'm like the over-protective parent who wants to shelter my children from the harsh realities of life. except i don't have kids. and the people i am protecting have probably been through more than i can even imagine. that's the beauty of life-you don't know anything.
the best part is that i "fall in love" with everyone i meet. literally. even if they annoy me in every direction and i want to bash my head into the wall. because after all is said and done, all of us are alive and have the same basic needs, desires, strengths and insecurities. mostly, if you can stop listening to the words, you can hear the desire of the soul. this one active pursuit helps me to wake up, be happy, and appreciate this opportunity that i have to continuously learn-what is sometimes refered to as "life".
like i said, nothing concrete to say. just random thoughts that have been occupying my head. i know nothing. hopefully, someday, i will know something. maybe before i die. maybe not.
have an excellent week!
love.margot
btw-i got a ton of links to other people's blogs and stuff so as soon as i figure out how to do it, i will put those up. and if you want to be linked, shoot me an email!
everyday i wake up and realize that i am nothing and that i know nothing. it is not a bad thing-in fact, it is just the opposite. it allows me the clarity of mind to attempt to comprehend and understand the nature of true happiness. since this is obviously different for everyone, it is an absolutely personal journey. maybe i have some strengths (don't ask me to identify them... i'm not sure they're quantifiable) but i have so many areas that require a great deal of work. somehow, i know that this is the right time for me to do the work and map out a plan for continued introspection for the duration of my life. funny becuase even though i am sure the time is right presently, i also know that the time will be right at every point in the future. i am, apparently, obsessed with discovering my "true self" and not compromising whatever small piece i have "found". right.
i know that everyone presents a face to the world that is not mirrored in their private life. everyday and in every situation, we choose our mask and play our role accordingly. this is not terrible, it is not a tragedy of "truth", it is not fake-it is self-preservation and endurance of things larger than ourselves. i know that i could not hope to make it through to the next hour without these resources. because sometimes the "truth" is too much. not only for ourselves, but (and almost always the defining factor) for everyone else. it turns out that i love people too much to ask them to understand. because i see how trivial things can adversely affect people in major ways, i never want to upset the balance. i should trust more in the human ability to learn and grow. i guess i'm like the over-protective parent who wants to shelter my children from the harsh realities of life. except i don't have kids. and the people i am protecting have probably been through more than i can even imagine. that's the beauty of life-you don't know anything.
the best part is that i "fall in love" with everyone i meet. literally. even if they annoy me in every direction and i want to bash my head into the wall. because after all is said and done, all of us are alive and have the same basic needs, desires, strengths and insecurities. mostly, if you can stop listening to the words, you can hear the desire of the soul. this one active pursuit helps me to wake up, be happy, and appreciate this opportunity that i have to continuously learn-what is sometimes refered to as "life".
like i said, nothing concrete to say. just random thoughts that have been occupying my head. i know nothing. hopefully, someday, i will know something. maybe before i die. maybe not.
have an excellent week!
love.margot
btw-i got a ton of links to other people's blogs and stuff so as soon as i figure out how to do it, i will put those up. and if you want to be linked, shoot me an email!
